When Messy Is Just So Messy

A year ago I was in the middle of the worst faith crisis of my life. I felt like God had completely left me down emotionally, and physically my body was freaking out. Let me explain “freaking out”: rapidly losing weight, unable to keep food down, in excruciating pain, so tired I could fall asleep standing up and in so much pain I would scream in my sleep if I was laying down, having panic attacks hourly, nose bleeds, vomiting, a lot of vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, dizziness, and body tremors. Continue reading When Messy Is Just So Messy


Monday’s Confessions: I’ve Handled Relationships Poorly

I love people and making new friends and socializing. It’s my nature. But I have a fatal tendency to destroy my best relationships.

No really! I do!

I would love to blame stuff on circumstances or personalities or differences but the reality is that I’m better at making friends than keeping them. And I don’t know how you are but for me I cannot multitask emotionally when under stress. Someone always gets cut. Or burnt or hurt. Continue reading Monday’s Confessions: I’ve Handled Relationships Poorly

Meet My Goddaughter

Last week Althea Stoltzfoos did a photo shoot for my goddaughter, Paige Nah’Liyah, and I.

Althea is newly engaged to the man-of-her-dreams so she is currently juggling wedding plans and a trip to Nepal (leaving this week possibly). She was able to quickly edit a few pictures from the photo shoot which I hope to post to my Instagram account @maritastoltzfus in the next day or so. Continue reading Meet My Goddaughter

On Expectations and Turning 30

I expected a lot of things about the 30’s. I mean, I didn’t enter my 20’s thinking: hey, I’m going to create a really odd belief system about people older than me. No, the things just came to me through my culture and the people I socialized with and the way I tried to blend in with what I thought might be “normal”. Funny thing is I didn’t realize till now just how silly they were: Continue reading On Expectations and Turning 30

Monday’s Confession (on a Wednesday)

Last evening the people who loved me most gathered around me and battled for my heart – for redemption, for revival, for renewal – and we fought together against the destroyer-of-all-things-good. Spiritually I felt so “clouded over” and emotionally I felt wounded beyond repair. But the clouds parted and God reached down from heaven and said, “She’s mine; she’s all mine!” Continue reading Monday’s Confession (on a Wednesday)

When Pain Chose Me

You know the Saturday – the one when the rest of the good population of southeastern, PA was probably at the beach or the pool – that’s when I headed to Lancaster city with a few other people. That day our main agenda was vaccinations for a trip to India. We laughed a lot and joked around because we were good at that and we were young and life seemed sweet. Continue reading When Pain Chose Me