A year ago I was in the middle of the worst faith crisis of my life. I felt like God had completely left me down emotionally, and physically my body was freaking out. Let me explain “freaking out”: rapidly losing weight, unable to keep food down, in excruciating pain, so tired I could fall asleep standing up and in so much pain I would scream in my sleep if I was laying down, having panic attacks hourly, nose bleeds, vomiting, a lot of vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, dizziness, and body tremors. Continue reading When Messy Is Just So Messy
I love people and making new friends and socializing. It’s my nature. But I have a fatal tendency to destroy my best relationships.
No really! I do!
I would love to blame stuff on circumstances or personalities or differences but the reality is that I’m better at making friends than keeping them. And I don’t know how you are but for me I cannot multitask emotionally when under stress. Someone always gets cut. Or burnt or hurt. Continue reading Monday’s Confessions: I’ve Handled Relationships Poorly
Last week Althea Stoltzfoos did a photo shoot for my goddaughter, Paige Nah’Liyah, and I.
Althea is newly engaged to the man-of-her-dreams so she is currently juggling wedding plans and a trip to Nepal (leaving this week possibly). She was able to quickly edit a few pictures from the photo shoot which I hope to post to my Instagram account @maritastoltzfus in the next day or so. Continue reading Meet My Goddaughter
I expected a lot of things about the 30’s. I mean, I didn’t enter my 20’s thinking: hey, I’m going to create a really odd belief system about people older than me. No, the things just came to me through my culture and the people I socialized with and the way I tried to blend in with what I thought might be “normal”. Funny thing is I didn’t realize till now just how silly they were: Continue reading On Expectations and Turning 30
Last evening the people who loved me most gathered around me and battled for my heart – for redemption, for revival, for renewal – and we fought together against the destroyer-of-all-things-good. Spiritually I felt so “clouded over” and emotionally I felt wounded beyond repair. But the clouds parted and God reached down from heaven and said, “She’s mine; she’s all mine!” Continue reading Monday’s Confession (on a Wednesday)
A year ago today I swallowed my last pill from a cocktail of ES prescription painkillers/antidepressants/muscle relaxants which I had been on for a very long time. I was promptly thrown into a hellish withdrawal Continue reading Don’t Walk Alone
Some days I think people misrepresent My Story. And I get really upset. Like, way more upset than necessary. Continue reading Monday’s Confession:
You know the Saturday – the one when the rest of the good population of southeastern, PA was probably at the beach or the pool – that’s when I headed to Lancaster city with a few other people. That day our main agenda was vaccinations for a trip to India. We laughed a lot and joked around because we were good at that and we were young and life seemed sweet. Continue reading When Pain Chose Me
I do most of my writing at night when my pain is too strong for me to lay down. I pace and write. At night it is just me and God; at night my humanness is so very raw and relentless. Continue reading Monday’s Confession:
Brave isn’t traveling solo across the ocean to a foreign hospital for medical help. Brave is getting up every morning and choosing to love&laugh in the face of pain.
Brave isn’t living life with no questions. Brave is facing hard life questions every day and keeping your mental capacity intact. Continue reading Pure Bravery